Harry Potter Ships As Seen By Cho Chang
by frolicks.with.froggies
Summary: She saw the loves happen and she knows the fandom. Cho's got a few things to say about it all. Like yes, Ginny is a cow, Dramione isn't going to happen even if it is a fun read and no, not all wizards are homosexual no matter how much fangirls like it
1. Harry and Ginny

Harry Potter Ships As Seen by Cho Chang

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Harry/Ginny

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Ah the great love story which is Harry Potter and Ginny –boyfriend stealing/stupid bint/ugly troll- Weasley. I don't know how it happened. And really I don't know how any of you could think it should have.

Let's go through Harry's years at Hogwarts shall we. And observe how this FAKE relationship of PAIN AND SORROW occurred.

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1st year. – Harry briefly meets the cow and thinks she's crazy. I mean, what kind of nutter wants to go on a train and stare at someone's forehead (ME)? And……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………. THAT'S IT!!! That would be the first meeting and only meeting of an entire year of these two future love birds. I have to say, very anti-climatic. You can already see something. GINNY WEASLEY IS CRAZY!!!!

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2nd year- Crazy cow girl is possessed by equally crazy 16 year old future dark lord guy. Whoot. Why couldn't he have killed her why he had the chance? Then Harry would be MINE!

Harry saves the crazy bint who he didn't notice anything was wrong with for an ENTIRE year. There is some great interaction there! I'm so impressed with your wooing skills COW GIRL… NOT! Then Harry completely forgets about the TROLL. Yay for True Love

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3rd year- The Troll is barely mentioned or noticed by Harry

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4th year- Harry is clearly enamored with ME and doesn't think of Ginny the Ugly Ho past possible Yule Ball date, since I was already taken (I miss you Cedric!). Only she didn't get to go with Harry. Why? Cause she is with Neville Longbottom! Take that you COW

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5th year- Crazy Bint joins DA and goes to Department of Mysteries (WHY WASN'T I IVITED??) She takes on role as seeker after Harry is banned and beats me. Big WHUP! The little idiot goes on the play PRO!! I've never cared about QUIDITCH, not past a vague interest. So little freak gets the snitch. THIS IS NOT AN OMEN THAT SHE AND HARRY ARE DESTINED TO BE TOGETHER!!

You crazy people..

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6th year- Harry, having given up on me (THE GIRL OF HIS DREAMS) develops strange chest monster and starts to stalk the cow.I think she fed him love potion.

He kisses her in front of common room HANDS OFF MY MAN and they go out for a couple months… and then he breaks up with her! Must have been going light on the potion HUH!

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7th year- Ginny stalks Harry to his house and takes on his appearance (WOW ROLE PLAY), but I guess I did too. She also tries to give him love potion through her mouth at the Burrow (THE SHACK SHE CALLS A HOUSE). Harry pushes her away (GOOD BOY).

Harry leaves and guess what THE COW ISN'T WITH HIM! Of course after all is said and done she slips Harry some more potion and they get married. Harry is still on the potion today. Now he is UNHAPPILY married to the stupid cow.

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Lesson: Even the biggest fan girl can marry her idol if she feeds him enough love potions


	2. Ron and Hermione

Harry Potter Ships As Seen by Cho Chang

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Ron/Hermione

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This is possibly the most disliked cannon pairing in all of fandom WHICH IS SAYING SOMETHING.

Hermione- know it all/buck toothed/best friend cursing-Granger and Ron Weasley.

But to be honest I like Hermione fine EXCEPT WHEN SHE'S STEALING MY HARRY. Anyway, Ron/Hermione is perhaps the most dysfunctional relationship in fandom, and it starts innocently enough

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**1****st**** year-** They meet on the train GEE I WONDER HOW MANY COUPLES CAN SAY THAT and fall into an instant love/hate relationship. Hermione tells Ron that he is no good at magic and leaves after he can't turn his rat yellow OH LIKE YOU COULD. Ron instantly hates the little know it all WHO CAN BLAME HIM. Time passes and hate festers until Ron and Harry saves Hermione from a troll. Then they're besties and Harry and Ron cheat off her homework THAT'S HOW RON GOT THROUGH HOGWARTS.

Voldemort comes knocking (DUH, it's the yearly appointment of DOOM) and Ron goes all self sacrificing and Hermione goes *swoon*. Then the skank forgets all about Ron and tires to flirt with Harry in the potion room. "Oh, books and cleverness. There are more important things like friendship and bravery." So THAT'S what the kids are calling it these days.

Skank fails. MUWAHAHAAHA

Hermione and Ron end the year with as much unresolved sexual tension as two twelve year olds can.

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**2****nd**** year- **Starts with Hermione and Ron seeing each other in Diagon Ally. I bet they're making eyes at each other the whole time. Lots of filler Hermione lecturing Harry and Ron… blah blah…. SAME OLD STUFF FROM BEFORE…. Hermione tells them to do their homework, don't be late for class, don't fly a car to school…. HOLY HELL DRACO INSULTS HERMIONE! And then Ron goes all GRR **SMASH** only he FAILS. Then he's puking slugs. Don't worry Ron, it's the thought that counts. Hermione gets petrified, Ron goes NOOOO, and that's all except form more lecturing and an awkward hug once Hermione wakes up. YAY AWKWARD!!

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**3****rd**** year- **Hermione and Ron go to Diagon Ally WITHOUT Harry, or at least they planned to, but Harry INTERPUTS shows up and they all go pet shopping. The great cause of the MANY fights between our happy couple shows up, Croockshanks the cat. Mostly Croockshanks just eats Scabbers the FUTRE TRAITOR rat, only not really. And Ron goes all "Woe is me, I the rat I don't even care about is gone. Now I shall turn my back on the one girl I love." Drama Queen much

Of course when Ron gets pulled under the Whomping Willow Hermione puts aside her hate and feels decently worried about him REALISES HER LOVE.

Then again Hermione does her flirting thing (In face of the annual appointment with DOOM), and tries to seduce Harry while they go back in time together. But maybe that's just me HANDS OFF SLUT!

Mostly it's the same tune different story. Hermione and Ron are MAKING EYES arguing all the time while trying to deal with THE URGE TO JUMP EACH OTHER maintaining their friendship.

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**4****th**** year- **Ron and Hermione go to the Quiddtich cup together HARRY SEES ME AND SLOSHES WATER!! Death Eater attacks, hiding in the wood, bickering. They sure do bicker a lot.

Once they get to Hogwarts and the Goblet of Fire incident (SOB, CEDRIC) happens with Harry I KNEW YOU WERE INNOCENT Ron turns his back on Harry, however Hermione stands with Harry GOOD FOR YOU HERMIONE (even if you are just trying to get alone time with him, skank)

Eventually they all make up and Ron and Hermione are back to their usual SEXUAL TENSION bickering.

The first true act of jealousy AND BOY ARE THERE A LOT happens when Victor SO HOT Krum asks Hermione to the Yule Ball. And Hermione being the SKANK normal girl she is accepted. Because who wouldn't want to go out with someone famous and attractive? Ron gets all angst ridden THAT'S HARRY'S JOB and in the end can't say much cause he's Krum's biggest fan.

Other than one show of jealousy Ron and Hermione continue to HAVE EXTREAM SEXUAL TENSION bicker like normal.

Find a broom closet already. Geez

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**5****th**** year- **Ron and Hermione spend ALONE time together at the HQ of the Order. Wonder what they do until Harry shows up? Eventually Harry does turn up and Ron and Hermione are appointed prefects (WHY RON I HAVE NO IDEA. Dumbledore is obviously barmy). Our cheery couple stand by Harry when the entire school goes against him (GOOD). They start up the DA and practise spells together YEAH, SPELLS. I SAW THOSE LOOKS. Ron stands up against Umbrige for Hermione and then tries to defend her in the DoM. Over all, they finally get further past their constant bickering and onto an actual relationship.

About time.

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**6****th**** year- **This year we have THE HORROR of being introduced to Ron's new love interest who is a total ho EVEN SKANIER THEN HERMIONE, Lavender. Hermione gets super jealous and sends birds after Ron and then Ron mutters about Krum and comments on Hermione's skin WHATEVER GETS YOU OFF BUDDY. Ron gets poisoned and while he's in the hospital wing mutters MOANS Hermione's name and Lavender breaks up with him. Hermione gets an overly satisfied smirk (YOU GO GIRL, get your man).

Through the course of the book Ron and Hermione grow closer TOO MUCH SEXUAL TENSION TO BARE!!!! And Ron and Harry's friendship deepens. At least all the tension will get resolved soon PLEASE SWEET JESUS!

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**7****TH**** year- **At the wedding Ron gets Krum to avoid Hermione.

The merry band shares a home at Grimwald Place and go Horcrux hunting. Then the woods happen. After Ron can't take the Locket anymore COME ON YOU WUSS and runs off LIKE A COWARD, Harry and Hermione are left in the woods alone. They tell us nothing happened BUT I'M NOT SO SURE and then Ron returns.

When crazy Tom's soul plays off of Ron's memories and insecurities about Hermione and Harry BIG SUPRISE being more than just friends. Of course right afterward Harry sets the record straight. She's like a sister THAT'S RIGHT SKANK! HE DOESN'T WANT YOU and the way is clear for Ron and Hermione to get together.

Which they do. After Voldemort is defeated and all

They still bicker DUH, but at least some of the SEXUAL TENSION bickering has lessened.

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Lesson: Bickering with someone all the time means you are meant to be.

Note: Notice how Ron and Hermione, who have a REAL fully developed relationship, have double the words. Take that Ginny YOU COW


	3. Victor and Hermione

Harry Potter Ships As Seen by Cho Chang

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Hermione/Victor Krum

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Nothing brings more fan girls to their knees then an incredibly hot Quiddtich player LORD DON'T I KNOW IT such as Victor Krum. And nothing makes fan girls more angry then when their hero has become SEDUCED besotted by a SKANK another woman. Such is the relationship between Victor HOLY HELL IS HOT Krum and Hermione THE SKANK Granger.

This is one of those relationships that ends fairly quickly, but while it was going on received a great deal of attention.

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It all started CREEPILY innocently enough. Krum starts PULLING AN EDWARD CULLEN watching Hermione in the library. He's too INTIMIDATED BY HER BEVER TEETH shy to talk to her. After DOING HER WITH HIS EYES watching her for several months he finally asks her to the Yule ball.

Apparently Krum saw what none of us did, because Hermione showed up to the ball in an extremely SKANKY beautiful blue dress and her AFRO bushy hair tamed. She looked quite SKANKY good, rather pretty in fact. Hermione spends a good portion of dinner teaching him how to MOAN say her name correctly, which he fails at. But it's the thought that counts and Hermione knows that talking isn't important ONLY HOW HOT HE IS, because she talks enough for both of them LORD DON'T I KNOW IT!

So after Krum and Hermione dance all night long and Ron makes her cry they GET IT ON kiss in an alcove. How sweet.

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For the second task Hermione is chosen as what Krum will miss most PROBABLY THE ONLY ONE WHO'D MISS HER and saves her from the fish people THANK GOD I WAS ASLEEP FOR THAT. While they are sopping wet from their swim Krum asks Hermione to visit him in Bulgaria that summer. Hermione is flabbergasted NO DOUBT WONDERING WHY HE LIKES HER, 'CAUSE I SURE DON'T KNOW

Then the bug lady (Rita Skeeter) write about what a skank Hermione is GOOD I'M NOT THE ONLY ONE WHO NOTICED. Krum, being the HOT nice kind of guy that he is asks Harry if it's true. Harry claims that Hermione is like a sister to him GOOD BOY and that Krum SHOULD SMACK THAT WHILE HE CAN shouldn't listen to the articles.

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After the 3rd task CEDRIC WHY DID YOU DIE??? *SOB* Hermione breaks it off with Krum (Because who wants a long distance relationship with someone famous who might cheat one you. Smart girl Hermione), but they agree to write each other.

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Hermione and Krum see each other again at Bill and Fleur's wedding where Krum DOES HER WITH HIS EYES wishes that he and Hermione could be together again. Then he tries to go after Ginny the Cow IF ONLY YOU HAD when he learns that Ron and Hermione are about to get together.

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Lesson 1: If you're famous it's ok to stalk someone in the library for months

Lesson 2: You snooze you lose to a Weasel


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